Written by Ryan O’Harris
My name is Theodora Chance. I’m a witch. Well, I am sort of studying to be a witch. You might say I plan to study to be a witch. All right I want to be a witch. Don’t look at me like that. It’s not like you can submit an application to the university of witchery. You do know that Hogwarts doesn’t really exist don’t you? I know I looked for it. Let me tell you the looks I got from people when I asked them if they knew where I could find Hogwarts were not encouraging. I grew up with the best, you know. I never missed an episode of “Bewitched.” Oh, my God. Then there was “Buffy the Vampire Slayer” — what? It had witches in it — “American Horror Story”, ”Dark Shadows”, “Supernatural”, the Sanderson sisters in “Hocus Pocus.” Were they amazing or what? Of course who could forget “Sabrina The Teenage Witch and so many more. So, you see, I feel like I have fulfilled all the prerequisites to be a witch. I even went looking for the perfect witch outfit. Not a costume. That’s just silly. I mean I went looking for the real thing. You know with the pentagram, goat’s head, crescent moon, even the triple goddess. Do you know that all those outfits come in black only? That is so boring. I just could not bring myself to purchase anything that would be so out of fashion. Why not a stunning yellow cape by Yves Saint Laurent? I mean I am black, so yellow works for me. I know, a pink and green full length evening gown with antler horns down the side designed by Pierre Cardin. No, no such luck, but at least I am trying. I even wrote a spell. Would you like to hear it? Okay, here goes.
Dark as night, moon so bright,
Give me what I ask tonight.
Ice Cream and soda, a float you know.
Cherry cake cooked just so.
These things I demand as a witch with style
These things you will give me so I can share them with Kyle.
What do you think? Kyle, by the way, is my boyfriend. Well he will be, okay, I want him to be my boyfriend. You are all so judgmental. I will leave you with a simple statement. You might say it is a wish or a desire, then again you might see it as a curse.
“Never wish you are a witch unless you know which witch you will be.”
Figure that out.