Sell It

Sell It

Written by

Ryan O’Harris

How many of you ladies are tired of the demanding relationships where you are expected to yield to every demand that every man in your life makes?  For instance, I know some of you broke the rules and brought your husband, boyfriend, lover, etc with you today because he probably insisted. So, for just a second, I will talk to them.  Gentlemen, this gathering is not for you.  You are not in charge, and your ego, strength, testosterone, and certainly your penis will have no say here.  So please sit quietly and listen or go out into the lobby and do whatever it is you men do when we are not around.  It can’t be much because there is never even the slightest evidence that you do anything.  Now, back to the people that matter, of course, I mean all of you soon to be liberated young, and some not so young, ladies.  I know that many think the age of female liberation is no longer necessary because we can go where we want, dress the way we want, say what we want, and sure as hell sleep with whomever we want.  This is not the type of liberation I am talking about.  I need you ladies to understand two things:  First, you have something men want and can’t live without, and second, they need to earn it.  Let’s just say it like it is.  No more free pussy.  You got that?  If you had a ingot of gold, you would not give it away.  Well, I’m telling you that what you have is worth all the gold any man has, so make him pay.  I know that sounds like prostitution.  So what!  Since Eve fucked Adam, Delilah fucked Samson, Cleopatra fucked Julius Caesar, Marilyn Monroe fucked JFK and Paris Hilton fucked — well, everyone, powerful women have known where their power comes from, and it’s not the boardroom.  It’s the bedroom.  Women, you could stop crime.  If your man grabs his gun and wants to get in trouble, tell him to put the gun in the closet and pull out his penis, and that crime will not happen.  If your man wants to go to war, tell him to stop thinking about running up that hill with his bayonet and start thinking about running down into your valley, also with his bayonet — you know the one he calls “Big Willy” and no one will show up to fight.  You can and should control the world if you learn to use the power you were born with.  By the way, for those of you that might be playing for the other team, so-to-speak, it works on them as well.  Just tell them to shut up, go mow the loan, then get back in here and show them who  wears the pants in your family.  By that I mean neither of you.  Well, I hope you all take my message home with you and make it work.  If your man is a little stubborn or completely unmanageable, there are a lot of these little gift bags on the counter in the lobby. Please take one.  It holds the answer to the man you can not fix.  (She pulls a large garden sheer out of the bag.)  Well, I guess in a way you can fix them and then move on.


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